Just when you thought the heights of excess had been scaled, along comes carbon couture for canines. Carbon, as you all know, is the humble source of the haughty diamond.
In Los Angeles (where else?), dwells a site devoted to pampered pooches and their doting pet parents. On display are a pawful of diamond collars designed for the dog that, obviously, does NOT have everything. Made to order, these extravagant collars, which any fashionista worth her salt would kill for, are designed to keep your dog “beautiful on the outside and the inside.”
Canine Carbon Couture
Topping this pyramid of conspicuous consumption, and priced at a mere $3 million, is a breathtaking cascade of blue-white perfection. It is modeled by a dog so tiny and so thin that you pray its pet parents carry a hefty insurance policy for breakage – of its neck, not the collar.
For those of you who draw a line in your designer kibble at such extravagance, fret not. Your darling dog can still play diva and be the cat’s meow, so to speak, for as little as $150,000. And with the money you’ll save by exercising such noble restraint, you can pay for those Brinks guards taking turns on potty patrol.
As for the “inside” part of the company’s pledge, they also sell their own line of premium vitamins and supplements. No doubt to ensure your dog’s ongoing ability to bear up under the weight of all those diamonds.
Canine Carbon Makes Diamonds The Hard Way
Remember that other adage: ashes to ashes. Just so much dust in the wind. Now it’s ashes to diamonds. Oh, yes. Once again, the humble carbon rears its not-so-humble head. A group of ghoulish, but innovative entrepreneurs has devised a way to keep the cherished pet that’s passed on, perennially alive.
As this site earnestly reminds you — while an unseen organ plays (no doubt by Vincent Price) — everything is carbon and carbon is everything. In other words, entrust us with your loved one’s ashes, and we will, through the science of alchemy (oxymoron alert!) turn them into a certified, high-quality diamond.
This tiny tribute to your dog’s larger life is available in a variety of colors, cuts and sizes, while prices range from a modest $100 to a less modest $25,000. A Great Dane will obviously be larger than a teacup Yorkshire terrier, but true sentiment knows no size.
If setting your pet/diamond into a ring or pendant fails to adequately console you, this oh-so-caring website also offers you – wait for it – grief support.
I caught myself glancing at my precious morkie just now and imagined her as a small, yellow diamond pinkie ring.
Time to get up and take Shadow for a walk.